> Jasmine The Humping Cat


Once upon a time, my roommate got a cat from the SPCA that came spayed.

This is not the story of that cat.

Instead, this is the story of her other cat, who was found on the side of the road as a kitten...and has still not been spayed yet. My roommate just hasn't gotten around to it/had the time/had the money all at once. Of late, she has said she 'll try to get it done during spring break.

Why is this an issue for me? Well, normally Jasmine (the cat in question) has no special preference towards anyone. But when she's in heat, I suddenly become the Boy Cat around here. She stalks me. Within a minute of her hearing me get up in the morning, she's outside my door crying. She's outside my door crying in the middle of the night. She's at the house door when I come in. When I go to the bathroom, I come out and she's on the sink. Constantly whimpering and mewing. It doesn't stop. I find myself throwing her off things, locking her in bedrooms and screaming "I CAN'T FUCK YOU!" several times a day.

And the worst part of it? Not that she humps ME, even, or that my roommate has had to pull her off me. No, the worst part is that she humps my stuff. The breakable, fragile stuff. Especially my laptop. But only when I'm actually USING it, mind you.

Anyway, while I'm stuck in this situation, I might as well have some fun with it, eh? Besides, every time she humps things now, I yell at her, "I'M GOING TO PUT YOUR PICTURE ON THE INTERNET!"